Odd Todd Destroys Odd Squad! By Odd Todd
by Flying Saucers
Summary: Not happy with the fanfics he's discovered, Odd Todd decides to write one of his own. (Set before the events of O IS NOT FOR OVER)
1. Chapter 1

"Two Big Macs... Medium Fries... Small Chicken Tenders... And a Sprite." The cashier looked up from his machine. "And that's it?"

Odd Todd shrugged. "Yeah."

"You're sure?"

Odd Todd's eyes narrowed. "Yeah. I'm sure."

"Okay, man." The cashier rang up the order. "I just, y'know, thought you'd want something... well, odd. Like a McRib and jellybean sandwich soaked in orange juice or something..."

Odd Todd snorted. "Please. Such crude exhibition is beneath me." He wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "Besides, y'ever eat that kind of junk? Y'can't cause oddness if you're stuck in the bathroom all day." He dug the money out of his pockets. "Anyway, I'm allergic to orange juice."

The cashier nodded. "Huh."

Todd squinted at his nametag. "Mick Chiggen. Either that's your real name or it isn't. Either way..." He shook his head. His order arrived and he collected his tray of food from the glowering cashier. "Have a _beautiful _day."

Sitting down at a nearby booth, Odd Todd flipped open his laptop and Googled himself.

"Let's see how far my infamy has spread today..."

He scrolled down the list.

"Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Wha...?" He recoiled in confusion. "I'm not laid off... I am NOT laid OFF... What's with this 'lemon' business? Oh, good. Somebody 'loves' me. I hope it's a girl this time. I... Ah. Excellent," He smiled and clicked on a link. "Fanfiction... Oh, this should be good"

Odd Todd spent several minutes going down the lists of fanfics, his expression darkening as he jumped from site to site.

"This... Is... NOT... GOOD..." He stood up and bellowed, "THIS IS NOT GOOD!"

People from the surrounding tables turned to stare at him. He shrugged, sat back down, and sipped on his Sprite.

"Where'd they get the idea I have a crush on Olive?" He ranted, more quietly this time. "How could _anyone_ have a crush on _Olive?_ Besides, SHE has a crush on ME! And all these stupid 'Oscar' stories... And who's Otis? I don't know anyone named Otis! I..."

"Sir?" Mick Chiggen tapped him on the shoulder. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down..."

"I'LL KEEP IT DOWN!" Odd Todd shouted through clenched teeth, then caught himself. "I'll... keep... it... down."

"Uh... Thank you?" Mick Chiggen went back to restocking the napkin dispenser. "Now I know why Delivery Debbie has the 'No Villains' policy..."

Grabbing a handful of fries, Todd jammed them into his mouth.

"All this hero worship, all this gushing over these stupid agents and... Why aren't _I_ in 'Ships Ahoy'?"

He finished one of his Big Macs in four bites.

"Very well," He flexed his fingers. "I'll show them what fanfiction _really _is! What fanfiction SHOULD be! The next level of fanfiction! The..."

"Excuse me?"

Todd looked over at the little kid holding out a pen and a napkin. "Are you Odd Todd? C'n I have your autograph?"

Todd smiled. "Sure thing." He signed the napkin. "Want me to do the laugh?"

Mick Chiggen looked over. "He's not doing the laugh."

"Spoilsport." Todd handed the napkin to the kid.

"Than' you!"

"No problem!"

The kid left and Todd resumed his rant.

"The most perfectly evil, most diabolical fanfiction in the entire HISTORY of fanfiction that doesn't involve hardcore slash with characters played by William Shatner!"

He began typing.

Mick Chiggen wiped off the next table over. "Wouldn't you be happier at Chik-Fil-La or...?"

"I'm evil, not sick. Now SSSHHH!"

Odd Todd began typing out his fanfic.


	2. Chapter 2

Odd Todd typed...

_'_It was a bright spring day and all the Odd Squad agents were running around their ridiculous little playroom headquarters being confused and stupid, as usual.

Otto, one of the more exceptionally stupid agents, was stuffing doughnuts in his dopey face while gibbering and listening to that stupid band he likes.

"D'oh, I like Soundcheck!" he gibbered. "They let me be in one of their videos even though I can't sing and I dance by bouncing up and down and flapping my arms like a doofus!" He rubbed chocolate frosting in his hair. "DOUGHNUTS!"

His petite and gorgeous partner Olive sighed, fanning herself. "So what?" she pouted, her thin yet succulent lips arching across her perfect teeth...'

Todd stopped. He went back and deleted the previous sentence.

'His partner, Agent Olive, sighed, fanning herself, her shirt dangerously tight against her...'

Todd deleted that sentence too.

'His partner, Agent Olive, fanned herself with a file she was working on. "So what? You're such a boor," she pouted. "Why can't you be a _real _man like my old partner?"

"D'oh, I dunno!" Otto clapped like a seal and disco-danced, not realizing disco dancing is totally lame.

Just then, that stupid baby who thinks she's in charge appeared at the top of the stairs.

"OWIVE! ODDO! IN MY OFFICE! NOW! NOW! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" She threw a squeaky toy at them and wet herself again. "I WANNA YOU IN MY OFFICE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

They arrived just as Agent Oscar had finished changing her diaper.

"Hey, guys! H'yuk, h'yuk, h'yuk!" Agent Oscar said, crossing and un-crossing his eyes and making goofy faces as was his wont.'

"I'm sensing an underlying hostility here..."

Odd Todd started and looked back to see Mick Chiggen reading over his shoulder.

"Do you MIND?" He covered the screen and glared at Mick until he went away. "Corporate lackey..."

Todd consumed a couple chicken tenders, wiped the grease on his lapels, and continued.

'Smiling insipidly like the idiot he was, Agent Oscar kissed Ms. O's feet, salaamed to her, and placed her in her high chair.

"THEWE YOU TWO AWE! SOMETHING WERY ODD HAS HAPPENED!" The effect of that last sentence was undermined by everyone else mouthing it along with her. "TAKE A WOOK AT THIS!"

She activated that...'

Odd Todd pondered.

"That...'

Odd Todd pondered some more.

'That little television thingie behind her desk...'

"I'll come back and fix it later..."

'An image came up. They all gasped.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! IT'S... IT'S..." There was a dramatic fanfare and a thunderclap. "IT'S ODD TODD!"

"ODD TODD! ODD TODD! ODD TODD!" The sound of a gong reverberated through headquarters. "ODD TODD!"

Odd Squad agents everywhere screamed and fell to their knees, renting their garments in horror. Cats hissed, dogs howled, and birds fled into the safety of the darkening sky.

Otto burst into tears. "I'll NEVER be as cool as him!"

Oscar ran around the office flapping his arms and squawrking until he fell over in a faint.

Olive arched her eyebrows. "Hmmm... 'Bout time, sweetie. How's about another round of passive-aggressive combat?"'

Odd Todd went back and deleted that last line.

'"Yes!" Odd Todd shouted manfully from the screen, striking an incredibly cool villain pose. "It is I once again, your most fearsome enemy, Odd Todd!"

"Not Odd Todd!" wailed Ms. O. "Oh, why did we wet him weave our Squad and begin his campaign of tewwow?"'

"Didn't they fire you?"

Odd Todd stared daggers at Mick Chiggen. "I AM CREATING A MOOD HERE!"

Mick walked away. "No argument there..."

Todd resumed typing.

'Odd Todd smirked at their inevitable panic, his chiseled, handsome face framed by his awesomely awesome hair. He threw back his head and laughed his famous trademark laugh, filling them with soul-shattering terror. "Yes! I have returned to give you another chance to defeat me!"

"Oh, why must he _taunt _us so?" Oscar wailed.

"And now... Now, I shall reveal my latest fiendish plot. And you will, of course, be utterly helpless to prevent my ultimate victory!"

"Mmmm," Olive salivated. "Let us have it, sweetie..."'

Todd went back and deleted that last line. Then he went back and put it back in. Then he went back and deleted it again.

"My evil plan is..."'

Todd paused. "Come to think of it... What IS my evil plan?"

He munched on his Big Mac. "I'll come up with something. Let's see..." He contemplated. "Yes... Yes..." He nibbled on a fry. "Almost there... Of course! I..."

"TODD!"

The half-chewed remnants of Odd Todd's fry flew out of his mouth. He looked up to see The Noisemaker clattering over, his bells and keyboards and whistles making a deafening racket as he slid into the booth opposite Todd.

"Oh, I am so glad to see you again, Odd Todd! It has been ages!"

Todd rubbed his forehead with one hand. "What is it, Noisemaker?"

Noisemaker added sugar to his cup of coffee. "I have been so busy creating oddness! You would be so proud of me!"

Todd sighed.

"I have almost perfected my recorder of disorder and I will..."

"NOISEMAKER!" Odd Todd snapped. "This really isn't the best place to discuss stuff like this!"

Noisemaker looked around. "Oh... Oh, yah, I see..."

Todd tried to perk up a little. "Look, I'm right in the middle of something here, okay?"

"Oh..." Realizing he wasn't wanted, Noisemaker slid out of the booth. "Okay..."

"Look, I'll see you Thursday at the meeting, okay?"

"Okay..."

Noisemaker slunk away. Sighing, Todd tried to reconnect to his previous thoughts.

"Yes, of course! OF COURSE! I HAVE IT!"

He starting typing again.

"YES! I'M ON FIRE HERE!"

Mick Chiggen wiped spilled coffee off a table. "If only he were..."


	3. Chapter 3

Todd had finished all his food. The wrappers were scattered about his table until Mick Chiggen quietly started gathering them up and transporting them over to the nearest trash bin. Todd didn't notice. He was intently focused on his tablet, typing madly and bouncing up and down in his chair.

"YES! YES! THIS IS _SO GENIUS!_"

'The remaining Odd Squad agents huddled in the remnants of their headquarters, whimpering. Odd Todd's dragon army glided on their enormous, batlike wings over the smoldering city, belching fire in all directions.

"This is all our fault!" Agent Oren sobbed. "Oh, how could we have been so foolish as to think we could ever match wits with HIM?"

Potato!" Olaf said, just to get it over with.

Todd's Mutant Gorilla Storm Trooper soldiers led Mayor Macklemore away in chains.

"Oh, Odd Squad!" The Mayor lamented. "Why, why didn't you just recognize Odd Todd's brilliance when you had the chance! Now it's too late! Too late for us... And for the world!"'

"That's quite a clever turn of phrase..." Todd smirked, eyes gleaming. "Too late for us, and for the world." He mused, repeating the words silently a couple times, savoring the taste of them. "I sense another Pulitzer..."

"I dunno... I kinda liked that BATMAN thing better..."

Odd Todd's head snapped around to glare at the little Odd Squad agent peering over his shoulder. After a moment or so, he managed to sputter, "Wha... What... Who?"

"Name's Ohlm," Ohlm grabbed Todd's hand and shook it. "_Big _fan of your work." Todd continued to glare at Ohlm. "C'n you show me how you do that 'evil laugh' thing? Mine always sounds so forced..."

He demonstrated.

Todd mulled. "Shows promise. You need to work the hands more and... Wait, what are you even doing here? Aren't you an Odd Squad agent?"

Ohlm smirked. "For now..." He slunk backwards towards the door, doing finger-pistols at Odd Todd. "For now..." He waggled his eyebrows, then bumped into a partition. He looked around, realized what had happened, sidestepped it, and resumed slinking backward. "For... now..." He bumped into the door, twirled around, pulled it open, and ducked through, his disappearing act dimmed somewhat by the fact it was a glass door and everyone could see him trying to sneak inconspicuously away.

Todd shook his head, then resumed his story.

'Odd Todd soared through the skies on his hover-platform, oddness erupting on the streets below him. The handful of remaining Odd Squad agents fell to their knees and bowed to him, weeping as he passed overhead.'

"Yes..." Todd giggled maniacally. "Yes..."

Mick Chiggen nudged him. "Y'want a Snickers bar?"

"Do I... What?" Todd blinked, jolted out of his reverie. "No, I don't want a Snickers bar!" He slurped from the drink sitting next to him. "I'm busy here! Leave me alone."

Mick shrugged. "So much for that meme..."

Todd resumed writing.

'Beside him stood the former Agent Olive, now attired in a stunning crazy-quilt patterned gown that set off her sparkling, dark eyes and silken raven-colored hair and accented her lovely pale skin...'

Todd stopped, deleted that last sentence, and tried again.

'Beside him stood the former Agent Olive, now attired in a stunning crazy-quilt patterned gown accentuated with long black evening gloves and a small silver necklace which glistened against...'

Stop. Delete. Put period immediately after the word 'necklace.'

'"There!" She kicked her crumpled Odd Squad uniform off the platform, tossing her badge after it. "It's such a relief to shed my phony good-girl persona and emerge as the TRUE person I've ALWAYS been inside: TOLIVE!" She laughed like Todd.

"Not bad," Todd purred. Tolive smiled. "You could use the hands more, but..."

She shook out her hair, letting the white streak that had grown down the middle emerge. Reaching behind her back, she produced a small white patch and stuck it on her eyebrow.

"And now I can stop pretending to like that idiot Otto and that ridiculous Oscar!" She approached Todd, toying with his tie. "Now I can embrace my true inner oddness... And my one true love..."'

Todd took another swig from the drink, too preoccupied with his story to remember he'd finished his Sprite earlier.

"I bet this will get more hits than my GAMES OF THRONES fanfics!" Todd grimaced. "Poor Joffrey. He doesn't get enough love..."

As he started typing again, Todd felt a weird rumbling in his stomach.

"Uh-oh..." He swallowed hard and gripped his midsection. "UH-OH..."

Sliding quickly out of his seat, Todd ran to the McDonalds bathroom, shedding his coat as he hurried.

Todd's computer sat, still open, on the table where he left it. After a few moments, the connection timed out and the screen went blank, erasing his story.

Mick Chiggen quietly removed the cup of orange juice he'd slipped next to Todd when he'd cleaned up the wrappers.

"That all right, guys?"

Otto gave him a thumbs up. Olive smiled wanly.

"We really appreciate it. Look, we usually don't pay that much attention to fanfiction."

"Yeah," Otto interrupted. "You wouldn't believe some of the weird stuff we'd let go..."

"But _that_..." Olive shuddered. "That was a little too much..."

"I understand," Mick nodded. "Trust me. So, you guys want to get lunch or...?"

"Um, no!" Olive said way too fast. "I mean, I, um..."

Otto butted in. "Hey, I do!" He looked over at his partner, who nodded her permission. "I'd like a quarter pounder with cheese, another quarter pounder without cheese, another quarter pounder with the cheese from the last quarter pounder, a large fries..."

Olive sighed. "We're gonna be here awhile..."

#


End file.
